I'm still working on feeling comfortable being ME . . . how about you?

There are many things that we can blame for tearing down our self-esteem.


If you've read my book or other work, or have even been to one of my talks; you know that I don't think it's helpful for me to blame other people and circumstances for how I feel.


Teasing, bullying, sarcasm: I could tell you how teasing made me very self-conscious; bullying made me very quiet; and how being around people who regularly use sarcasm as a means of communication made me confused as to what these people were actually trying to say- in the end having a skewed perspective of loving communication.

I could tell you this (and I kinda' did) but I can also tell you how these things strengthened me: being teased caused me to question other people's reality compared to mine; bullying eventually encouraged me to learn to speak up; and learning to distinguish sarcasm helped me to be clearer with my communication with others.


So, why do I still feel the need to encourage myself to be ME?


I don't know. I've opted for a new approach in life...


I used to be very focused on finding the reasons 'why' behind things. But that's just it... I ended up continuing to look behind.


Granted, we can gain some great insight when we take a number of things into consideration; but what I'm sharing was my decision to be very decisive on where I FOCUS.


Here's a great illustration...


There's a principle in motorsports (particularly with motorcycles and bikes) that you end up going where you are focusing. If you are focusing on the corner that you feel like you might not make (AKA going off the track) you'll more than likely end up off the track... where you were looking!


I can make changes because I want to recreate me or create a new situation.  Most of us learn to blame and move away from what we don't like (which is focusing off the track).


At the height of having physical complications, I was so focused 'off the track' and fearful of every turn, my body mirrored this stress.


I'm still amazed by how much my body shows me my inner thoughts.


It's like metaphorical things are happening all the time!

That is, when I felt shy, timid, victimized- ashamed to be in my own body... when I felt like my skin was a separate part of me physically and emotionally; at this time I did not 'feel comfortable in my own skin' and the whole time my skin reacted very much the same way; like it didn't feel comfortable with me either!


I had extremely dry skin that would crack and bleed. Painful, yes . . . very! It was so painful that I would wear only certain clothing as most materials rubbing against my skin felt agonizing. Denim was the worst!


Through being overweight, underweight, having painful skin and digestive issues and other related health issues, I was continually feeling less and less connected with my body.


Over time I learned to reconnect, even though it meant recognizing the pain that was physically or emotionally there.


Eventually I was able to understand what my body was telling me.  It (my body)...  just needed me to listen... really listen! And CARE for it/ME!


Every day is a step along my journey to being more ME and letting my true nature come out. I'm guessing it is for you too- otherwise you wouldn't have read this far. :)


You'll see my brand changing to #WeightFreeWellness  ...a message that has been inside me all along, and with a lot of prayer, meditation and some good conversations- was shown to me that this is a fitting moniker for what I LOVE to offer.


You'll be seeing more of ME come out because it makes me happy and is comforting to know that my past struggles and lessons can help make someone else's journey even a little (or even A LOT) more easeful.



I would love to hear from you...

How do you help yourself feel comfortable in your own skin?

or

What's your favorite activity- one in which you feel you are totally you... no matter who's around?


I look forward to your responses - and inspiration for others!

Live in your skin - TarasBook.com

Inspired by the Word "Don't"

The other day I was at the Chiropractor's office for a much-needed adjustment. On this occasion I also received a mental adjustment.

While I waited for the doctor to attend to me in the room where I waited, I could hear his conversation drawing to a close with the prior patient. I could not hear the details of the conversation, but for some reason the word "don't" was very obvious to me.

The word beat through the wall dividing us like a bass line of a neighbor's indistinguishable yet noticeable music, racking up a count of at least 5 pulses in 30 seconds- almost always preceded by the work "I".

Perhaps because there was no context for the conversation the words "I don't" stood out so strongly. Nonetheless, the experience made an impression on me to be ever aware of my self-talk.

I can always choose the "I do . . . " alternative to the "I don't . . ." statement.

I can always choose . . .  #TarasBook

Inside Guilt

Guilt is just the hard seed coat of Gratitude.

Inside Guilt - Tara Baklund

Guilt brings feelings of being: very closed off, in a dark place and unable to grow.

There are seeds so hard that the outer shell or "coat" needs to be scarified or damaged in order for water and gases to enter the seed so it can germinate. Isn't this such a beautiful metaphor for life? The harder our shell of guilt, the more it seems we need to have it broken to allow what is inside to blossom!?

The idea that Gratitude lies within Guilt at first seems preposterous. So let's explore it together.

There are many definitions of Guilt. The definition by Wikipedia is nice and succinct, so here it is . . .

Guilt is a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes—accurately or not—that he or she has compromised his or her own standards of conduct or has violated a moral standard, and bears significant responsibility for that violation.^[1] It is closely related to the concept of remorse.

Note- I am going to use the term "standard of conduct" loosely here; not just regarding actions that are usually associated with guilt like stealing, injuring another or their property, etc. Also, I'm going to extend "moral standard" to also mean societal standards. There are many other more mild situations that induce deep feelings of guilt and remorse and guilt these days. Also, for the sake of simplicity, I am not going into guilt vs. shame.

I think that most of the time we are accurately experiencing the emotion of guilt or remorse, but the standard of conduct by which we were raised to value needs to be examined.

Maybe you feel accurately in that you feel remorse or the stronger feeling of guilt for not going to a family gathering. It is an accurate feeling because the standard you were raised with in your family and socially is to value family "no matter what" and to not attend a family gathering is going against that value or standard of conduct.

On the other hand you know that you are abiding by your own standard of conduct in respecting yourself by not being around people who treat you very poorly, who act without remorse.

Whether you go to the family gathering or not, either way you have a prime situation to feel guilty- you are either compromising your family's and society's standard of conduct, or your own.

What a crummy way to live- the potential to feel guilty no matter what, what!? Turn this situation around!

Allow your seed to germinate and grow. Sure you may see a seedling wearing the seed coat as a cap as it grows (beans are great at this!), but have you ever seen a full-sized oak tree with an acorn cap at the tippy-top? Well, maybe it's too high up there to see, but I think it's safe so say that it's not there!

Shed your seed coat of guilt! Find the inner source of food and the light and water coming to you and grow!

In the above example: you could be grateful for a family who cares for you, and simultaneously feel gratitude that you value how you are treated - which includes how you treat yourself - HELLO!

Feeling guilty about buying yourself a new pair of shoes? Question if it's simply because you couldn't afford them anyway- or if it's a false and inaccurate feeling based on skewed standards of conduct as you were being raised i.e. you do not need shoes until you absolutely grow out of them.  Either way, there is a hidden seed of gratitude waiting to be germinated . . . How amazing is it that we can even consider to have multiple pairs of shoes? Or, how great is it that you can realize as an adult that your childhood upbringing doesn't have to take hold of you? Then choose to make the right decision for you- not out of pre-programed cause and effect feelings.

Are you feeling remorse about the piece of pie you had? Is it because you are wanting to take better care of yourself and eating the pie didn't match your standard of conduct for meeting this goal- or do you have really unreasonable standards for yourself when it comes to your food habits? Again, let's look for the gratitude . . . What a blessing that we can have the problem of food abundance? How fortunate are you to know that balance can include a piece of pie - heck, the word "pie" is in the word "piece" and rhymes with "peace" - it's meant to be!

Inside guilt, whether it's accurate or not, is a blessing. I encourage you to grow beyond the feeling and burst forth from the hard shell and to thrive as living gratitude!



Learn more about guilt and shame in work from this very insightful author and therapist Pia Mellody. Of particular help on these subjects are the book Facing Codependence and the audio Permission to be Precious.

"How May I Serve?" - An Unexpected Answer

Over the years I've been reminded to ask myself this question again. It's a wonderful open-ended question that helps free me from the tendency I sometimes (ok, often) have of trying to figure out what to do with . . . well myself in life.

- Just gotta give props to Dr. Wayne W. Dyer for the inspiration of this particular inner work, i.e. question. -

The recent answer I received when I "put the question out there" was a bit of a surprise. In fact, it took me several days to notice that I indeed received an answer.

My thought was that I would get an answer akin to the Knight in Shining Armor, riding up gallantly to deliver a message of how I can use the talents I love to practice to help his kingdom. Of course I'm wearing a lovely flowing dress and have flowers in my long, thick, wavy hair.

The answer I received caught me on an "off day" in this imaginary scene in which I was in my "cottage clothes", my hair is snarled and full of leaves and grass after I have fall on my way back from fetching water from the village well - in other words, not so elegant.

Now I see that I missed the obvious; the word "serve" itself denotes doing the dirty work. It's innately challenging.

I had an expectation that the answer to "How may I serve" would be just as good-natured as the question. Instead I was presented with a challenge; a real-life and an emotional challenge.

The lesson wasn't how to help another person- which I assumed it would be: but how I could improve in that relationship and in many others, by making a great shift inside of me.

Serving is not solely outer work -- some of the best serving is carried out by those who do a great deal of inner work.

Work Stress - Dealing With Other People's Stress Response

Dealing with Stressed Co-workers . . .  How can Body-typing Help?

When people learn that I teach body-typing and wellness, they are naturally curious to know which body-type they are and what it means. The conversation then quickly changes to the body-types of the people they are around the most: namely family and co-workers.

Understanding our body-type characteristics help us to understand our physical, mental and emotional strengths and weaknesses. My book, You-niversal Self-care is a guide to finding balance for each body-type.

Using body-typing to understand other people can helps us overall, to have healthier relationships.

Work Stress - An Intuitive Way to Deal . . . TarasBook.com

It's easy to spot others' weaknesses; especially when using a tool like body-typing.

Body-typing is a tool like any other- one that is used to better a situation, to facilitate a solution.


Learn More With The Free Body-type Assessment


Body-types their Work-stress Responses

It's easy to spot the person at work who, when stressed, will be stubborn, silent or even hold a grudge. These are some of the shadow characteristics of an Earth-type.

No-one wonders if the Fiery person is stressed. It's usually rather obvious in their brazen tone of voice and sharp comments.

Or how about the one who works at a quick pace, making rash decisions and looks visually shaken and stressed, or simply be Air-headed- the Air-type.

The Water-type may be the most mellow person in response to stress - or on the other hand, very emotional. The Earth-type can be very emotional too; the Earth has a lot of water and in body-typing, a lot of Water-type characteristics. One might think that a mellow stress response would be most easy to deal with, but not necessarily. This type of mellow-responder may avoid situations- which makes it challenging when a situation must be directly addressed.



I bet of you were naming off people as you read these brief descriptions :)




That's great! You've begun the journey of taking yourself out of the stressful situation and observing from a third person perspective. This makes the situation less personal and we can make wiser decisions from this perspective.

We cannot control others, right?

What we can do is choose how we view the situation. This perspective can lead us to making decisions that are right for the environment.


Story

Just the other day I had a person literally laugh at me right in my face. Ok, not right in my face, but a good 2 feet away. I've known him to be a very Fiery person and Fire-types are very active and reactive.

It was a long laugh so I had some time to think, thankfully! I went through all kinds of responses and his likely responses in my head and nothing seemed to be a viable option that would not result in more sharp responses.

In the end, I decided to say nothing. I gave him an every-day, kind smile and walked away in my normal way.

I realized that his response was about him, not about me. There was no need to engage then or even now.





Consider this the next time a person emotionally closes off, engulfs you in their flames, let's out in a stressed-Airy monologue or is seemingly unaware of their aloofness or irresponsibility. (Can you tell which Body-type response is which?)


The wisdom of Body-typing helps us to understand how to respond for environmental balance- whether it be your own body, your home-life or workplace.





Along with teaching and writing, I help run a business with my husband. I know what goes on in a work environment as someone who works in the environment and who facilitates things to run smoothly.

Body-typing Classes specifically geared towards helping co-workers to first understand their own nature, and then others' is very effective in creating a more harmonious and efficient environment. Available for companies of all sizes.


What's "your" Body-type? Take the Free Assessment!




Dia-blog

Share a time when you naturally moved into this 3rd person perspective and handled a situation wisely; in a way that was good for the environment. We all could use helpful examples like these!

Outgoing People Have More Fun . . . My Motivation to Learn to be More Confident

Featured "Guest Voice" article for JessWeiner.com, author and Self-esteem expert

“Have you always been such a “natural” at speaking to large groups?”


Still, after the umpteenth time being asked this, I empathetically reply, “No, I used to be so shy simply thinking of calling a friend on the phone made me feel queasy.”

It was during the pivotal time of junior high school that I decided to become more outgoing. In this microcosm of the world, popular girls were as glitzy as movie stars, and I thought I wanted to be like them. Aside from the dramatic cat fights and bad boyfriend break-ups, they seemed to have so much fun. That, I later learned, is what I wanted to experience–fun!

Being unpopular and very shy, I had a great amount of free-time to become a studious and observant person. There was one thing that I could see that all of my fun-having peers had in common: they appeared confident.

Somewhere I learned “fake-it-‘til-you-make-it.” So I began to do this. I began to “act as if”–  a well-known strategy for creating what you want in your life.

I actively and productively “acted as if”  by speaking up and participating more in class, trying out for roles in plays, and challenging myself to do things that were uncomfortable yet would also not get me into trouble–I was mindful to model only the characteristics that I wanted.

The result, I can happily report, is well worth the effort! I have many rewarding experiences as an Author and Liberating Wellness Educator and met the man of my dreams because I am no longer afraid to let my “voice” be heard.'

It is now even more evident to me that true confidence has nothing to do with other peoples’ opinions. One of my favorite teachers, Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, puts it this way, “It’s none of your business what others think of you.”

A person’s level of confidence is directly proportionate to the level to which they strive to see and create their own positive qualities.

True confidence can only come from yourself.



- Tara Baklund

What is Balance to You?

I'll begin by saying, I don't remember where I read this, but it was very insightful.


About a month ago I had a bit of an epiphany. I was reading a great book and among many great lessons nestled this one; to some people balance is doing less, for others it is having many things going on simultaneously in their life. What!?

This shattered a paradigm that I had been neatly building for a few years. Isn't balance, for every person, having a calm, tranquil, rather uneventful life? Apparently not. So, if you haven't guessed by now, I am one of the persons who feels more balanced when I have fewer things being demanded of me. I have often felt overwhelmed simply observing the hectic goings-on in other peoples' lives.

I share this, first of all, to say that I am still learning and growing and am willing to change. Secondly, I think it imperative to learn to be content and confident in who we are as individuals. The world would not be the same if you were not you! Third, it is so important to find our own, unique sense of balance. When each individual feels they are in a balanced state, they are better able to perform their roles and serve others in a very fruitful manner.

What is balance to you? Ladies, have you learned to "pamper" yourself on occasion, accepting that this leads to greater balance and self-renewal; it's not just fluffy stuff. Or, do you simply fill your life with more things that you love: activities, kids, jobs, projects, etc. Guys, do need your your man-cave as well as "you-time" too? Or do you feel more balanced by feeling that you accomplish more through work, projects, etc?

Please share your thoughts!

A Lesson I Learned Through Through Craig's List

The other day I listed a gently used dog house to the "free" section to Craig's List. I was amazed to have takers for this give-away item within a few short minutes of posting it to the website and had to take the post down about 10 minutes later as I figured I had enough people interested who would gladly take this item off my hands and out of my yard.

I received all kinds of responses, "...is it still available, if so contact me..." "This would be perfect for my son's new dog, please contact me..." "When can I pick it up..." and the one that taught me a Universal lesson, "I'll take it!".

So, how did this turn into a Universal lesson for me? Pretty much anyone who believes in a creator or the concept that we were created here on this planet, believes that God or the Universe (or frankly, whatever you want to call It) that created us also has the ability to provide us with whatever we need, and even what we want. Many of us also believe that this Creator freely gives and wants to give to us, it's just whether we are willing and ready to receive.

So, if my experience of wanting to freely give to those whom are supposedly ready to receive is any corollary to our Creator posting to the Universal Craig's List in the "free" section, my lesson was to say, "I'll take it!". When I got that response I felt and thought right away, "This person is ready and will take this off my hands." Despite the many nice and heart-felt and thought-out responses, no one seemed as willing and ready as the lady who responded, "I'll take it!".

So, from now on, especially when I ask for something (and I still need to ask and procure) when I experience that my request has been filled, I need to respond with, "I'll take it! -thank you very much!".

I could go on, but I'd like to leave some food for thought- what does the Universe think when we respond with, "Is it still available?" "When can I pick it up" (and why is this different from "I'll take it!") or telling a story why this situation is so perfect e.g. "My son got a new dog..." "The city just made it mandatory to have a doghouse for..."?

What do you think? I'd love to hear your thoughts.