Dealing with Fat Shaming - From a Former Fat Person

I literally did not know about "fat-shaming" until a couple of hours ago.


It's 4:45pm, September 8th, 2015.


I've found articles dating back to 2013 on this topic. How am I so behind-the-time on this topic? How can I be so out-of-the-loop?


... Not beating myself up about being unaware of this topic is a terrific example of how I've overcome my own self-shaming.



May I introduce you to a much younger ME? This is the body and the girl who taught me about myself and about the nature of others... and mostly, how to have compassion and how to heal.

I Wouldn't Trade my Fat-Shaming Experiences for What They Taught me...
WeightFreeWellness.com

I've weighed over 100 pounds since I was 9 years old. The average 9-year-old weighs 60 pounds.

Sure, I was sad about my clearly abnormal condition, about how kids treated me, and the underlying health conditions that disturbed my well-being, sometimes on a moment-by-moment basis.

On the outside and in public, often showed a different character. I would console classmates who beat themselves up for weighing 70 pounds or more. Then, when I finally felt confident to stand up to the bullies and no longer had issues with them, I would even stand up for others... I learned some interesting lessons; many of which I share in my book You-niversal Self-care: Improved Health Through Self-Understanding.

Somehow helping others and standing up for others (even when I suffered) helped me feel stronger...

Fat-Shaming used to be just called "bullying", "teasing" and the like. As a linguist I've recognized that we learn words by the feelings we associate with them. 

No matter what you call it, "bullying" or "fat shaming" it doesn't feel good!

While being bullied was one of the most traumatic times in my life, I also consider it a blessing in my life. I now have tools to help others... and so I share with you... with LOVE...

What I Would Tell the Young me Who Was Experiencing Fat Shaming...

• There will always be bullies. The people who are the closest to you right now may turn into bullies. Bless them and leave them be. Don't try to teach them, convince them- just let them be. It is more worth your effort to help those who are seeking help. Be the beacon of hope.

• Your response to their (the bullies) words is a reflection of how you feel about yourself. Begin to identify those feelings and where they come from, without blame or attachment to a story. It's ok to feel hurt, upset and even get mad. Remember though, there is healing power in those emotions. When you turn those emotions to into fuel, to cultivate a state of more compassion and love, that their power is truly healing.

• This experience will help you to be stronger to deal with challenges in the future.

• It will be more worth your effort to seek to understand yourself, than to try to get others to understand you. 

• Beware of being played by media. Develop your own inner compass pointing to that which you value.

• Lastly, what would you say to another to help them through? Sometimes a look of "I feel you" or a warm embrace is enough. 

This is the foundation of my Weight Free Wellness online programs. Included are recipes with wellness insights, simple and effective self-exploration to develop self-compassion, advice on finding helpful resources, and much more. 

The title Weight Free Wellness means:

• We must remove the weight from our own shoulders (guilt and shame are big ones!) before we can healthfully address weight.

• When we address weight in a healthy way, the wait on weight decreases.

• The most important weight to address are the heavy emotions we take on and put on ourselves.

Start with my book You-niversal Self-care: Improved Health Through Self-Understanding.

Get the FREE Ebook and Audiobook here!

I am happy to consult and present on this topic to aid others in this very emotional journey.

Warmly,

Tara

As a side note, I have always received such media updates at just the right time. I already had on my list of "articles to write" "Shame and Weight"... Apparently it is TIME for this topic!

It's Time for the Topics of Shame and Weight to be Addressed! WeightFreeWellness.com

Standing in the Line of Fire

It's a lot easier for me to just do my own thing; work at our traditional-type business Baklund R&D, go to yoga class, do my studies, keep a warm home and be a loving companion to my hubby... I love doing all this...


If this is all I was called to do- I would be very content...

Standing in the Line of Fire  TarasBook.com

But the truth is I've been pulled to be more, to contribute more to society than through my friends and family. I've fought it for years, bargaining that everything is just fine where I am. I'm comfortable (except for this nagging feeling) and my life is better left un-complicated.


Well, I've given in. I'm coming out of my closet... or out of my enchanted woods, as I see it.


I'm leaving the familiar world of the woods, entering the beautiful yet harried town... HERE I AM, how may I serve?


As anyone experiences who steps onto a new path, this process has caused me to face many vulnerabilities: speaking from deep within and being open to judgment, writing and writing and writing and being open to grammatical criticisms, stepping out on faith that what is pouring through me is not falling on deaf ears... that the nagging feeling I've had for years was so that I can meet you and give you a piece of peace, who wants it?


Often it feels like I am willingly standing "In the Line of Fire"!

I dedicate this post to the Fire element...

Fire is:
That which helps us to be decisive, draw boundaries, say what needs to be said; but that which also can be hasty, cut too soon, say what need not be said when considering the other elements.


More about Fire...


This Holiday Season I will address the Fire Element a number of times. This week I am presenting the Fire-type and Food.

Join me, interacting with you makes being "In the Line of Fire" so worth it!

Free webinars and Q&A sessions to really get to the 

meat & potatoes of your Body-type, food and wellness questions!

Which Body-type 'are' you?  


Take the FREE assessment here!  You'll learn so much just by going through it!

Free Body-type Assessment


Join me for free webinars and especially the Q&A sessions... more info. here.http://tarabaklund.blogspot.com/p/classes-and-events.html

We can address the Fires in your life!

Does This Resonate With You?

I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, and I've heard that I'm not alone. But, I'm going to talk about it, because I sure would have loved to hear from someone else like this years ago!

Let's start with a metaphor, because as you know (or soon will) I'm fascinated by the metaphors that show up in our lives.

Since childhood I've had terrifying dreams of tornadoes. I thought initially that this happened because when I was very young our next-door neighbors lost their dad and were injured in many ways cue to a tornado while on a family trip to Northern Minnesota.

Later in life, as a young adult these dreams seemed to have a tone of premonition- letting me know that there was going to be some sort of disturbance in my life.

Several years later these dreams reached a new level. They moved from the impersonal night-terrors, to the personal warning system, to a much deeper form of self-reflection.

As I've written about the Body-types and the Elements before, you know that I show a lot of signs of the Air Element. Why then has it taken me so long to see that these dreams really represent my inner whirlwinds? I don't know . . . but this is where I am at now.

Rainbows in the forecast . . . hang on! TarasBook.com

The last time I had a tornado dream I consciously called the whirling funnel to me, basically challenging it and seeing what would really happen . . . confronting my long-held fear. 

It just was by and through me like a strong wind. That's it. Drama over!

So, where is the metaphor here?

For many, many years I have had this voluminous and strong desire in me to take what I have to offer and really contribute to an audience; to help people with my experience. While this momentous energy is so strong, I have been unable to focus it- it has seemingly run amok like the torrential funnel cloud within me.

For many years my husband has said that I am an entrepreneur. I've brushed off the comment probably because I did not even understand the concept until I met him; and I compare myself to him, an uber-entrepreneur.

Just out of curiosity I looked up the definition (yes, I'm one of those people) and was struck aback by the number of entrepreneurial qualities I have.

One really hit home. 

It was from an article from Forbes.com stating #1 You Take Action. But that's not what struck me. It was a quote by Barbara Corcoran, well-know for being a shark on the Shark Tank saying, "" . . . people who have a concept but not necessarily a detailed strategy are more likely to have that entrepreneurial je ne sais quoi "I hate entrepreneurs with beautiful business plans.""

Whoa! What a relief! 

I don't know if I could create a business plan and stick to it if my life depended on it! But, I know that knowing about my Air-Type nature and the quote by Barbara Corcoran do not let me off the hook of getting myself to focus. I know from my own coaching of Air-types that structure is key.

So, here's the plan . . .

I want to take my book content online. I want to make it readily available and even in video format so people can more easily access it and learn.

I am going to share more about my life and experiences in order to connect more deeply with you. I want you to know where I've come from so you also know where I may be able to help you to get to in your life.

So, here's where I need your help.

When there is something that resonates with you, simply like it on Facebook or retweet it on Twitter.

If it really strikes a cord and you would like to hear more but it feels like a really personal topic, connect with me at Tara (at) TarasBook.com and tell me what resonates with you, what you want and need that I could help with.


I am ever-so-grateful when you let me know what resonates with you so I can focus well and create even better content!

Thank you!

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What Motivates Me - Experiences from the Healthy Life Expo Minneapolis 2014

Most people, when they look at me think I have not had a single health issue in my life, so I often have to begin by sharing bits of my health and wellness journey even before I answer peoples' question "What is Body-typing?"

"Look at this picture from my book," I tell them. "I have weighed over 100 pounds since I was 9 years old . . . that's a lot! The average 9 year old weighs 60 pounds!"

They are often very surprised since today I look slender and athletic.

"I had the blessing of experiencing difficult health issues at a young age. I had symptoms of what would now be diagnosed as Celiac Disease and Irritable Bowel Syndrome as well as very, very painful skin issues."

They look even more surprised.

"I share that not to impress you, but so that you know that I know what it's like to be on the roller coaster, the bumpy road, of health struggles. I've learned that it's not about working ON your body, it's about learning to work WITH your body; with compassion."


I love engaging with the public. It gives such a real feel for what people are looking for and where I fit in to help.

I hear that people want to know not just which foods or the type of exercise and frequency of which they can do to feel more healthy and balanced- while I do offer this from a body-typing perceptive; I hear that there is a desire to learn to have compassion for oneself, to feel better about oneself, and to have more self-confidence.

I very much enjoy engaging online with people, but there is nothing like being able to relate to a person as they are moved to tears as they share their desire to find the types of foods that will help them feel the most balanced and overall just feel good. I hear this from people of all shapes and sizes.

So, I want to send a big thank you to all of you who engage with me, who send your feedback, who show your interest. I know what body-typing and developing more self-compassion has done for me; and seeing what it does for you is definitely the fuel to my fire to continue to write and share more.

A million thanks, and heres to many more wonderful years of heart-ful collaboration!

Would Seth Godin Approve of my Facebook Practices?

Does this really matter?

I don't know, but here's what I think does matter!   :)

Would Seth Godin Approve of my Facebook Practices? - Tara Baklund - TarasBook.com

I wrote my first book before I really knew what I had. I didn't write it to have a product to sell or make quick money- I wrote it because I had tremendous encouragement from my husband and people who had been the recipients of my wellness advice before I did it professionally. I had remarkably positive response and I was compelled to share and help on a broader scale.

I love connecting with people; really getting a sense for what they are saying, what they need and offering what I can to help.

After I finished and published my book, I was naturally lead to creating a business of teaching and book promotion; but it took years for me to understand what I really had.

I have sold books, classes and group and private sessions; but that's not really what I have to offer.

What I offer is me. I offer myself. My books and teachings are extensions of me.

My life is my teacher and also my testing and playground.

What I share with my Facebook friends I gladly share with you, friend.

My learning, my teaching is really my life. It's not separate, so despite the analytics and gadgets having a Facebook Page provide- the Page to me is static. It becomes somethings to monitor, it becomes separate.

So, I invite you to "follow" me on Facebook. You will see all my Public posts (which is virtually everything). Recent recipes, healthily daily practices, recent blog posts, new products I find (usually when I'm in the store) and more!

This is your warm invitation!

Join me here
https://www.facebook.com/TaraBaklund

How do I really tell you "About Me"?

Not only is talking about oneself challenging but . . .

How does a person summarize oneself in an "About Me" page.

I don't know . . .

A single page that lists my favorite movie, book, quote, background seems so, well, linear. Don't get me wrong- I love lists, but not when it comes to developing connections with people.

As I pondered this what occurred to me is that I can share about myself through each of my posts and will share some specific "About Me" posts that go way beyond a basic bio. I want to feel like we are having more of a conversation than just me talking to you. I want to connect with you.



Let's start with some basics . . .

Since most people stumble upon my work because they are seeking healthy, wellness, body-type information . . . I'll answer the question . . . "Were you always this healthy?"

The truth is, no!



As a youngster, I was blessed with a troubled body. Blessed? Why do I say "blessed"? Because I learned so much about myself that I likely would not have otherwise. And, it's such a pleasure for me to share what I've learned from my health and wellness journey to help others.

The fear, anxiety, frustration and depression I experienced through my body most people don't experience until middle age, later, or perhaps never. Childhood is usually our most healthy and vibrant time of life.

In my 30's I feel so much happier in my body and healthy than ever before. I can truly say I feel healthier each year!



I experienced what would now be labeled as Irritable Bowel Syndrome and Celiac Disease. I also had very painful skin issues: the skin on my hands and feet would crack and bleed no matter how much of  or which brand of cream I applied. It would hurt to walk or wash my hands. My skin was generally so dry that most clothing rubbed and caused great discomfort.

As I share in the opening of my book, You-niversal Self-care, I was also overweight for a good portion of my childhood. When people see me right now they don't believe me, but I have weighed over 100 pounds since I was 9 years old. The average 9 year-old weighs 60 pounds!

I remember, in third grade, returning to the classroom after going to the nurse's office to be weighed and have our height measured for records. As we returned to the classroom I was consoling a friend who had just learned that she weighed 72 pounds. I was comforting her, while I had just learned that I weighed over 100 pounds!



Why does this matter? I didn't even know the answer to this until recently. Sharing this (and more as I do in my book) is important because I have known and experienced for quite some time what it's like to experience hardship in regards to health.

When a person experiences difficulties with health, it's about much more than their physical state. There are emotions to deal with and probably, most challenging, the reactions or opinions (or perceived reactions and opinions) of others. I understand what it takes as well as the hurdles and victories of addressing physical and emotional challenges.



I can happily say that I no longer experience any of these conditions. I was able to get to the bottom of the physical and emotion root of theses issues.

It took years to improve my digestion, my diet and mental and emotional state to have a much more stable and healthy body.

I can now help others have much quicker success.



The biggest lesson I continue to learn is that no degree of forcing oneself is as successful as having and showing self-compassion.

I teach how to genuinely develop self-compassion - which leads to overall Wellness.

I welcome you to join me for your journey!

Warmly,

Tara

Authentic Woman

"You will be such a gift in people's lives that take you up on this

[what you teach]... You are a truly authentic woman". 

Thank you - Bridget

Outgoing People Have More Fun . . . My Motivation to Learn to be More Confident

Featured "Guest Voice" article for JessWeiner.com, author and Self-esteem expert

“Have you always been such a “natural” at speaking to large groups?”


Still, after the umpteenth time being asked this, I empathetically reply, “No, I used to be so shy simply thinking of calling a friend on the phone made me feel queasy.”

It was during the pivotal time of junior high school that I decided to become more outgoing. In this microcosm of the world, popular girls were as glitzy as movie stars, and I thought I wanted to be like them. Aside from the dramatic cat fights and bad boyfriend break-ups, they seemed to have so much fun. That, I later learned, is what I wanted to experience–fun!

Being unpopular and very shy, I had a great amount of free-time to become a studious and observant person. There was one thing that I could see that all of my fun-having peers had in common: they appeared confident.

Somewhere I learned “fake-it-‘til-you-make-it.” So I began to do this. I began to “act as if”–  a well-known strategy for creating what you want in your life.

I actively and productively “acted as if”  by speaking up and participating more in class, trying out for roles in plays, and challenging myself to do things that were uncomfortable yet would also not get me into trouble–I was mindful to model only the characteristics that I wanted.

The result, I can happily report, is well worth the effort! I have many rewarding experiences as an Author and Liberating Wellness Educator and met the man of my dreams because I am no longer afraid to let my “voice” be heard.'

It is now even more evident to me that true confidence has nothing to do with other peoples’ opinions. One of my favorite teachers, Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, puts it this way, “It’s none of your business what others think of you.”

A person’s level of confidence is directly proportionate to the level to which they strive to see and create their own positive qualities.

True confidence can only come from yourself.



- Tara Baklund

Laugh at Yourself!

The other day I was at an appointment at which the person providing a service for me met my husband Jon for the first time. Jon left the room for a moment to take a call and she commented (not verbatim), "Wow, he's really funny. You guys are so opposite!"

Oh, my goodness! I laughed really hard on the inside and calmly said, "Yeah, we're quite a case of 'opposites attract'."

Now I laugh out loud about this- clearly I have only shown my more stoic side to her! ;-)