LOVE - You don't even have to SAY IT to SAY IT!

You can still say "I Love YOU"

Even when... 

The ice between is too hard to break

Cobwebs of stories prevent going back

Fear stands in the way of moving forward

Longing turns to grief ... to sorrow ... of what may never be

Or this lifetime does not allow

... but there is still... LOVE

Whisper from the mind

Silently express with pulses from the heart

"I Love You"

Melts

Frees

Clears the way

Restores Hope

Makes possible

If not in this life... into the next.

LOVE - You don't even have to SAY IT to SAY IT!  TarasBook.com

Thanksgiving - I Feel Blessed to Have a Place in Your Heart

To be cared for 

and especially to be loved, 

is a very special gift.

#Thanksgiving  - TarasBook.com

Send this message out - let someone know they have a special place reserved in your heart!

Tweet: I Feel Blessed - to have a place in your heart. #Thanksgiving 

Healing is an Inside Job

It's helpful to know:

The unknown feels like darkness at times

It is normal to not always know where to go

Make sure the 'insider' on this job is YOU helping YOU!

Healing does take work...

You're not alone!

It's worth it!

There are those who have walked the path and can help you along the way.

Just reach out - they can help you see in the dark!

Healing is an Inside Job - WeightFreeWellness.com

Tweet: Healing is an inside job!

Dealing with Fat Shaming - From a Former Fat Person

I literally did not know about "fat-shaming" until a couple of hours ago.


It's 4:45pm, September 8th, 2015.


I've found articles dating back to 2013 on this topic. How am I so behind-the-time on this topic? How can I be so out-of-the-loop?


... Not beating myself up about being unaware of this topic is a terrific example of how I've overcome my own self-shaming.



May I introduce you to a much younger ME? This is the body and the girl who taught me about myself and about the nature of others... and mostly, how to have compassion and how to heal.

I Wouldn't Trade my Fat-Shaming Experiences for What They Taught me...
WeightFreeWellness.com

I've weighed over 100 pounds since I was 9 years old. The average 9-year-old weighs 60 pounds.

Sure, I was sad about my clearly abnormal condition, about how kids treated me, and the underlying health conditions that disturbed my well-being, sometimes on a moment-by-moment basis.

On the outside and in public, often showed a different character. I would console classmates who beat themselves up for weighing 70 pounds or more. Then, when I finally felt confident to stand up to the bullies and no longer had issues with them, I would even stand up for others... I learned some interesting lessons; many of which I share in my book You-niversal Self-care: Improved Health Through Self-Understanding.

Somehow helping others and standing up for others (even when I suffered) helped me feel stronger...

Fat-Shaming used to be just called "bullying", "teasing" and the like. As a linguist I've recognized that we learn words by the feelings we associate with them. 

No matter what you call it, "bullying" or "fat shaming" it doesn't feel good!

While being bullied was one of the most traumatic times in my life, I also consider it a blessing in my life. I now have tools to help others... and so I share with you... with LOVE...

What I Would Tell the Young me Who Was Experiencing Fat Shaming...

• There will always be bullies. The people who are the closest to you right now may turn into bullies. Bless them and leave them be. Don't try to teach them, convince them- just let them be. It is more worth your effort to help those who are seeking help. Be the beacon of hope.

• Your response to their (the bullies) words is a reflection of how you feel about yourself. Begin to identify those feelings and where they come from, without blame or attachment to a story. It's ok to feel hurt, upset and even get mad. Remember though, there is healing power in those emotions. When you turn those emotions to into fuel, to cultivate a state of more compassion and love, that their power is truly healing.

• This experience will help you to be stronger to deal with challenges in the future.

• It will be more worth your effort to seek to understand yourself, than to try to get others to understand you. 

• Beware of being played by media. Develop your own inner compass pointing to that which you value.

• Lastly, what would you say to another to help them through? Sometimes a look of "I feel you" or a warm embrace is enough. 

This is the foundation of my Weight Free Wellness online programs. Included are recipes with wellness insights, simple and effective self-exploration to develop self-compassion, advice on finding helpful resources, and much more. 

The title Weight Free Wellness means:

• We must remove the weight from our own shoulders (guilt and shame are big ones!) before we can healthfully address weight.

• When we address weight in a healthy way, the wait on weight decreases.

• The most important weight to address are the heavy emotions we take on and put on ourselves.

Start with my book You-niversal Self-care: Improved Health Through Self-Understanding.

Get the FREE Ebook and Audiobook here!

I am happy to consult and present on this topic to aid others in this very emotional journey.

Warmly,

Tara

As a side note, I have always received such media updates at just the right time. I already had on my list of "articles to write" "Shame and Weight"... Apparently it is TIME for this topic!

It's Time for the Topics of Shame and Weight to be Addressed! WeightFreeWellness.com

Don't be Your Own Worst Bully

Discussing this and much more in free web-discussions... details here.

I strive to put everything in a positive orientation,
but sometimes a phrase that just smacks ya' up-side the head is necessary!

Enjoy :)

TarasBook.com

 Tweet: Don't be your own worst bully!

Standing in the Line of Fire

It's a lot easier for me to just do my own thing; work at our traditional-type business Baklund R&D, go to yoga class, do my studies, keep a warm home and be a loving companion to my hubby... I love doing all this...


If this is all I was called to do- I would be very content...

Standing in the Line of Fire  TarasBook.com

But the truth is I've been pulled to be more, to contribute more to society than through my friends and family. I've fought it for years, bargaining that everything is just fine where I am. I'm comfortable (except for this nagging feeling) and my life is better left un-complicated.


Well, I've given in. I'm coming out of my closet... or out of my enchanted woods, as I see it.


I'm leaving the familiar world of the woods, entering the beautiful yet harried town... HERE I AM, how may I serve?


As anyone experiences who steps onto a new path, this process has caused me to face many vulnerabilities: speaking from deep within and being open to judgment, writing and writing and writing and being open to grammatical criticisms, stepping out on faith that what is pouring through me is not falling on deaf ears... that the nagging feeling I've had for years was so that I can meet you and give you a piece of peace, who wants it?


Often it feels like I am willingly standing "In the Line of Fire"!

I dedicate this post to the Fire element...

Fire is:
That which helps us to be decisive, draw boundaries, say what needs to be said; but that which also can be hasty, cut too soon, say what need not be said when considering the other elements.


More about Fire...


This Holiday Season I will address the Fire Element a number of times. This week I am presenting the Fire-type and Food.

Join me, interacting with you makes being "In the Line of Fire" so worth it!

Free webinars and Q&A sessions to really get to the 

meat & potatoes of your Body-type, food and wellness questions!

Which Body-type 'are' you?  


Take the FREE assessment here!  You'll learn so much just by going through it!

Free Body-type Assessment


Join me for free webinars and especially the Q&A sessions... more info. here.http://tarabaklund.blogspot.com/p/classes-and-events.html

We can address the Fires in your life!

When You Can't (or Shouldn't) Use Your Words... Take a Breath

"Use your words." 

Jaden pushes his younger brother away, upset that his space was invaded once again, and another of his elaborate castles made of blocks is destroyed. His mom encourages him to "Use his words." rather than expressing his feelings by pushing his brother.

Young Kayla is prompted to "Use her words." to thank her grandmother for a snack for which her dad had just clearly expressed his thanks; she feels confused.


Many of us speak during the day, often all day, but are we really good at "Using our words"?

Using Your Words - TarasBook.com

I am fond of learning languages and the nuances and even similarities among them. I worked as an interpreter off-and-on for several years, and in both the experience of learning language and interpreting, I learned a great deal about communication; how good we are at it, how bad we are at it, and when it matters most.


I felt the imperative nature of how accurately I could communicate the concern of a school principal to a non-English speaking parent about their child. While I could see the deeper concern and even pain in the parent's eyes, I could not assume that this was being conveyed without proper expression through words.


On a lighter note, I learned many nuances of sound, including the Spanish "ñ" (en-yay) and nasal sounds in Portuguese. I learned to pay attention to not tangle these languages up too much. While there are many similarities, if I let my auto-pilot run-amok it could mean the difference between saying, "I am 17 years old." and "I have 17 ***holes." Yes, this got a lot of laughs!


Like the children in the above example, we know how to communicate to a large degree. We have sufficient vocabularies and the ability to relay a message. But, like the children, what happens as adults when we find ourselves overcome with emotions like hurt or anger, or if we are confused?


If we step back and observed ourselves (a key technique I use in my teaching) we would see that we are often reacting to our emotions and/or letting auto-pilot run-amok.


Or, let's admit it, sometimes we simply don't know what to do!


I had a situation in which I was taken off-guard by someone coming to my door recently. Many would agree, I had every reason to lash-out at this person; but I didn't want to fuel any potential fires. It was a situation where I had to be clear about my boundaries, and I wanted to create an environment of care but discernment. There was a lot to consider while being taken off-guard.


By some grace of God I felt the need to breathe, to pause, to let go: to hold on to being caring, as I would treat anyone who would come to my door, but to let go of many things: how the message would be received (you can't control how others think), letting go of my feelings of the past (it's done), letting go of the "what-if's" of the future (it's not yet here), letting go and releasing all the things I had to say to this person (I forgot them all anyway).


I was blessed with breath, the pause, the moment to just be.


When you don't know what to do or say, or you know that what you feel you have to say is to deliberately hurt someone...


Before "using you words" take a breath... please, just take a breath.


Earth-types: Make sure to have a few trusted people with whom you can regularly share even (especially) your deepest feelings. When you go too long, keeping emotions inside, it's easy to feel depressed and pent-up emotions, when confronted with a stressful situation usually burst-out either in tears (this is most likely to happen, especially if they don't want to talk) or in words that finally come out- albeit, unclearly.


Fire-types: This Type is most likely to tell you exactly how they feel. Like all Body-types, how they relay the message depends on their particular Emotional Intelligence abilities- this can range from a direct but considerate talk to outright shouting.


Air-type: The Air-type, similar to the Earth-type has a tendency to keep emotions inside, reasoning that they can think their way through it and solve it all. An Air-type needs a good friend with whom they can talk regularly. They don't even need to share the deepest things, they just need to keep the thoughts and feelings flowing.


Water-type: Water-types can have varied reactions from pent-up emotions, to cold(icy)-shoulder non-confrontational back-lash. A Water-type can greatly benefit from a well-grounded friend who will talk regularly with them.


In my up-coming web-classes and programs I will be addressing the interactions among different Body-types.

Join us!

What do you need?

The most challenging aspect of working primarily online is that I lack the feedback I normally thrive off of.

I love interacting with people, particularly my audience, so when I have the opportunity to speak to a group... I get very excited!



A simple nod, even a grimace is helpful feedback. I like to know that I am connecting with people, and most of all, offering what I have that they need.

What do you need?  WeightFreeWellness.com

So, I'm going to do a sort of informal survey over the next several days...

• Do you sense that there is something you need, but you can't put your finger on it; unsure whether it's an emotional, health or even relationship issue?

• Are you reacting very quickly and emotionally to things, and don't know where it's coming from or how to change?

• Do you find yourself in patterns that aren't serving you, or even those around you?

• Are you trying to 'be healthy' but feel stuck and not sure where to go or what to do?

I want to know where I can meet you, and help...

Over the next couple of days I will propose topics, and if they resonate, that is, you feel that you want to explore the topic more, please simply "like" the post. I'll interpret it as a nod. :)



Thank you!

Warmly,
Tara

If you can already tell this is going somewhere good...

Get updates and exclusive content and invitations here!

Want Change?

Yes, I'm using it... the word ALL!

Want change? Starting loving what you want (rather than hating what you don't want)!

Does this seem like an insurmountable task when it comes to creating healthy change in your body?

Join me... I have a few tricks up my sleeve ;)

All Desired Change Starts with Love - Tara Baklund

I'm still working on feeling comfortable being ME . . . how about you?

There are many things that we can blame for tearing down our self-esteem.


If you've read my book or other work, or have even been to one of my talks; you know that I don't think it's helpful for me to blame other people and circumstances for how I feel.


Teasing, bullying, sarcasm: I could tell you how teasing made me very self-conscious; bullying made me very quiet; and how being around people who regularly use sarcasm as a means of communication made me confused as to what these people were actually trying to say- in the end having a skewed perspective of loving communication.

I could tell you this (and I kinda' did) but I can also tell you how these things strengthened me: being teased caused me to question other people's reality compared to mine; bullying eventually encouraged me to learn to speak up; and learning to distinguish sarcasm helped me to be clearer with my communication with others.


So, why do I still feel the need to encourage myself to be ME?


I don't know. I've opted for a new approach in life...


I used to be very focused on finding the reasons 'why' behind things. But that's just it... I ended up continuing to look behind.


Granted, we can gain some great insight when we take a number of things into consideration; but what I'm sharing was my decision to be very decisive on where I FOCUS.


Here's a great illustration...


There's a principle in motorsports (particularly with motorcycles and bikes) that you end up going where you are focusing. If you are focusing on the corner that you feel like you might not make (AKA going off the track) you'll more than likely end up off the track... where you were looking!


I can make changes because I want to recreate me or create a new situation.  Most of us learn to blame and move away from what we don't like (which is focusing off the track).


At the height of having physical complications, I was so focused 'off the track' and fearful of every turn, my body mirrored this stress.


I'm still amazed by how much my body shows me my inner thoughts.


It's like metaphorical things are happening all the time!

That is, when I felt shy, timid, victimized- ashamed to be in my own body... when I felt like my skin was a separate part of me physically and emotionally; at this time I did not 'feel comfortable in my own skin' and the whole time my skin reacted very much the same way; like it didn't feel comfortable with me either!


I had extremely dry skin that would crack and bleed. Painful, yes . . . very! It was so painful that I would wear only certain clothing as most materials rubbing against my skin felt agonizing. Denim was the worst!


Through being overweight, underweight, having painful skin and digestive issues and other related health issues, I was continually feeling less and less connected with my body.


Over time I learned to reconnect, even though it meant recognizing the pain that was physically or emotionally there.


Eventually I was able to understand what my body was telling me.  It (my body)...  just needed me to listen... really listen! And CARE for it/ME!


Every day is a step along my journey to being more ME and letting my true nature come out. I'm guessing it is for you too- otherwise you wouldn't have read this far. :)


You'll see my brand changing to #WeightFreeWellness  ...a message that has been inside me all along, and with a lot of prayer, meditation and some good conversations- was shown to me that this is a fitting moniker for what I LOVE to offer.


You'll be seeing more of ME come out because it makes me happy and is comforting to know that my past struggles and lessons can help make someone else's journey even a little (or even A LOT) more easeful.



I would love to hear from you...

How do you help yourself feel comfortable in your own skin?

or

What's your favorite activity- one in which you feel you are totally you... no matter who's around?


I look forward to your responses - and inspiration for others!

Live in your skin - TarasBook.com

Does Sarcasm Convey What you REALLY Want to Say?

Simple and Kind Words Share a Deeper Message That Sarcasm Can't
 TarasBook.com

How You Are Becomes Who You Are

We have the power in every single moment to chose to be WHO we want to be!

Now THAT's some Self-healing Empowerment!

The Fight of a Woman - What Every Man (and Woman) Should Know

I talk about the elements a lot -  being the foundational topic of my book, You-niversal Self-care; and the element of Fire often gets a very bad rap.


I believe all women have an inner pilot light. A lingering fire that is different than the innate fire of the masculine energy. Some women burst into a roaring fire at a young age, some hold back a deep inner flame from burning through their whole lives, and others (few, I believe) barely stir.


This is a challenging article for me to write. It's a fiery topic- pun sorta' intended. But, with some recent encouragement from a fellow author, I continue . . .


I seldom struggle to put words together, but with this topic I do because I want the true intention of what I am saying to be very clear. The more I re-read this, the less explaining I think it needs. I'm gonna let'r' rip!


Men, not all fiery women are femi-nazi's and b*****s.

The Fight of a Woman - TarasBook.com

Women, if you feel the fire stirring within you to fight, ask yourself (or ask your fiery girlfriends and do them a favor):

1. Is this your fight?
2. Do the people you're fighting for want your kind of help?
3. What is your objective? (Hint, without this you will likely keep fighting to fight.)

Like I would say to any person with a lot of Fire in them, be wise and channel your Fire; it can cause a lot of destruction, but it can also be the power needed for a lot of great change.

If you grew up in a Fiery environment, be careful in 'fighting a cause' because that's all you know.


The women who have been in the trenches are very clear on the cause. They don't fight to fight- they want to end the fight and continue life as soon as possible. Are you in the original fight or have you been drafted in?


Women, you are very powerful. Some men have been burned out just by being around you.


It's helpful to observe, what lights your fire (a personal cause, a feeling of injustice, etc.); is it kindling, heating the stove, burning a hole through you, or scorching those around you?

 (Learn more about how to balance a Fiery nature and how it can be a good thing in my book, You-niversal Self-care!)

Women, we have so much power coupled with our natural capacities for empathy and love. Let's channel it all as effectively as possible!

How does this relate to self-healing?

Contemplate this:

What goes on in our outer life and how we treat others is a mirror for how we treat ourselves.

Keep your deepest desire and purpose in mind; what is the solution you desire? There is no fight unless your desired result is to fight.  


Let me leave it to Mother Teresa to teach about purpose . . .

“I was once asked why I don't participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I'll be there.”

With much love,

Tara

Grandma Gems - Advice for Young Adults

My Grandma was born at least 40 years before her time.

Born in a time when Marilyn  Monroe's figure was the template and my grandma's nearly six foot, size 2, busty frame was scoffed at. She stood for women's rights before there was a platform and ... before it was 'cool'.

This slim, modern bomb-shell desired to go into the military in the mid-fifties primarily because she wanted to travel.

With her parents' 'guidance' she did not go into the military and followed her second passion- to have a family.

Many years pass and I ask her many questions about her experiences and lessons in life . . .

I get so emotional when I drink wine and I turn into a puddle when I discuss what I love and appreciate about my Grandma as we have a lovely visit at the local winery . . . and I dare to ask what she would share as guidance to those who are at the point of life of wanting to 'settle down'.

It's funny, as I went to take notes in my iPhone, Siri corrected my common annotation of Gma to 'gems'. Indeed . . . these are Gma's Gem's of notes.

She said first of all:

"Don't mistake sex for love."

This doesn't take any explanation.

. . . and then she shares another grand-motherly aphorism that may need a little more explanation . . .

"Don't mistake youthful exuberance for love."

. . . that is, you may be youthful and full of hormones vim and vigor (and you really don't know otherwise at this point, but if you feel a bit like superhero you may be in this stage) and eager to show/prove your parents wrong or otherwise, but be careful in letting that cloud your judgement and skew your feelings.

It's absolutely wonderful to be swept of your feet, but it's difficult to make grounded decisions in this state. See, we even have this reasoning in our common vernacular.

Perhaps I'm sharing these Gma gems with 'the choir', but it's a great topic to put out there for conversation.

So, how about you? What would you suggest as the most valuable lessons to those many years younger than you- launching into their lives, as you approach your 8th decade of life?

Sometimes our best guidance can come from imagining the counsel from our future self . . .

Many Ways to Say Thank you

(Written Memorial Day Weekend 2015)

Memorial Day Weekend 

. . . is often filled with barbecues, gatherings and relaxation and is often concluded on a sombre note as those who died in service to our country are remembered.

Mother Teresa is quoted saying, “I was once asked why I don't participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I'll be there.”

Similarly, I am choosing to find the silver-lining in Memorial Day: that is, gratitude.

We have so much to be grateful for in this country and I thought this would be a great opportunity to share a post that I've wanted to polish-off for a while . . .

The Many Ways to Say Thank You

Whether it be a deceased veteran, a friend, or neighbor; we can all think of someone to whom we would like to express our gratitude.

Memorial Day is a great reminder to show our thanks to the many around us who have helped us in our daily battles.

The act of being grateful moves us in the direction of seeing the good in our lives- including in other people.

For today, along with sending prayers to our fallen veterans, thank someone who is in your life right now. There are so many ways to do this:

• Send a little Thank You, even if it's on a small pieces of paper saying, "I appreciate it when/that you . . ." (wash the dishes, smile so much, take care of . . .)

• Simply say "Thank you"  

• Take note of what the person to whom you'd like to show appreciation likes: food, coffee, help around the house, a kind word; (strive to know and act on their Love Language) and treat them as often as possible to this gift of appreciation and thanks!

• The best "thank you's" are when someone is not expecting it. Comment favorably on something you admire that is particular to that person, hint- what does that person appear to put a great amount of effort into? Be sincere and make it about them!

• Want an extra challenge? Most of us think that in order to convey a loving thought to someone that we need to do it by tangible means, i.e. face-to-face, over the phone or perhaps written. We can just as powerfully convey a message by sending a blessing of love, peace or forgiveness or what some may call a prayer. This is especially helpful when we feel the need to forgive, thank or recognize someone who is deceased or otherwise not part of our lives. Send a silent message. Believe me, this type of internet has been around a lot longer than that with computers as the senders and receivers!

In the end I hope the only casualty we cause is the need for war. TarasBook.com

Being in the habit of pointing out the gems in people, places and things helps us to have a more positive outlook in life and less desire to cause harm.

In the end, I hope the only casualty we cause is the need for war.

Wishing you much Peace and Love today and always,

Tara

Yes, there's more where this came from! - Subscribe here for my updates and special offers.

P.S. this all applies to the relationship one has with oneself too :)

The Greatest Challenge (and victory) is Beyond Us vs. Them

I love a good competition. Believe it or not, I actually really enjoy watching the UFC.

But I also enjoy a life that is free of the Us vs. Them mentality. 

Going back to martial arts for a moment . . . there is a principle in the finer aspects of martial arts that when you try to counteract a force with force, you waste energy and set yourself up for defeat by counter-attack.

When we find ourselves pushing back in Us vs. Them competition whether it be Men vs. Women, Ford vs. Chevy, or even the U.S. vs. another Country we set ourselves up for stagnation at best and a knock-out punch at worst.

Competition really helps us to grow when we see it as the hurdle we need to learn to surmount, rather than a barrier to beat down.

If you're going to compete with anyone, compete with yourself.

The best challenge . . . TarasBook.com

And Love . . .

What else?  I have more in store - Subscribe here!

Does This Resonate With You?

I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, and I've heard that I'm not alone. But, I'm going to talk about it, because I sure would have loved to hear from someone else like this years ago!

Let's start with a metaphor, because as you know (or soon will) I'm fascinated by the metaphors that show up in our lives.

Since childhood I've had terrifying dreams of tornadoes. I thought initially that this happened because when I was very young our next-door neighbors lost their dad and were injured in many ways cue to a tornado while on a family trip to Northern Minnesota.

Later in life, as a young adult these dreams seemed to have a tone of premonition- letting me know that there was going to be some sort of disturbance in my life.

Several years later these dreams reached a new level. They moved from the impersonal night-terrors, to the personal warning system, to a much deeper form of self-reflection.

As I've written about the Body-types and the Elements before, you know that I show a lot of signs of the Air Element. Why then has it taken me so long to see that these dreams really represent my inner whirlwinds? I don't know . . . but this is where I am at now.

Rainbows in the forecast . . . hang on! TarasBook.com

The last time I had a tornado dream I consciously called the whirling funnel to me, basically challenging it and seeing what would really happen . . . confronting my long-held fear. 

It just was by and through me like a strong wind. That's it. Drama over!

So, where is the metaphor here?

For many, many years I have had this voluminous and strong desire in me to take what I have to offer and really contribute to an audience; to help people with my experience. While this momentous energy is so strong, I have been unable to focus it- it has seemingly run amok like the torrential funnel cloud within me.

For many years my husband has said that I am an entrepreneur. I've brushed off the comment probably because I did not even understand the concept until I met him; and I compare myself to him, an uber-entrepreneur.

Just out of curiosity I looked up the definition (yes, I'm one of those people) and was struck aback by the number of entrepreneurial qualities I have.

One really hit home. 

It was from an article from Forbes.com stating #1 You Take Action. But that's not what struck me. It was a quote by Barbara Corcoran, well-know for being a shark on the Shark Tank saying, "" . . . people who have a concept but not necessarily a detailed strategy are more likely to have that entrepreneurial je ne sais quoi "I hate entrepreneurs with beautiful business plans.""

Whoa! What a relief! 

I don't know if I could create a business plan and stick to it if my life depended on it! But, I know that knowing about my Air-Type nature and the quote by Barbara Corcoran do not let me off the hook of getting myself to focus. I know from my own coaching of Air-types that structure is key.

So, here's the plan . . .

I want to take my book content online. I want to make it readily available and even in video format so people can more easily access it and learn.

I am going to share more about my life and experiences in order to connect more deeply with you. I want you to know where I've come from so you also know where I may be able to help you to get to in your life.

So, here's where I need your help.

When there is something that resonates with you, simply like it on Facebook or retweet it on Twitter.

If it really strikes a cord and you would like to hear more but it feels like a really personal topic, connect with me at Tara (at) TarasBook.com and tell me what resonates with you, what you want and need that I could help with.


I am ever-so-grateful when you let me know what resonates with you so I can focus well and create even better content!

Thank you!

Subscribe here to receive the latest updates.

Thanksgiving - Humanity's Holiday

Gratitude and Thanksgiving 

Are sentiments and gestures that crosses cultures, religions and 

connect our hearts.

I have yet to meet at culture who does not share a similar tradition to our Thanksgiving. In other countries they may celebrate at a different time of year and eat different foods, but the sentiment is the same.

To me, Thanksgiving is the most special holiday; free from religion, it's the most unifying. 

As we commune together we see how much we are a like. Our prayers may sound different, but as we gather to give thanks; there is a togetherness that goes beyond religion.

If you have the custom of going around the table to share what you are grateful for; give reverence for the moment someone is sharing perhaps the deepest part of him or herself.

May your Thanksgiving also be filled with Love and Kindness - towards yourself and others.

Inside Guilt

Guilt is just the hard seed coat of Gratitude.

Inside Guilt - Tara Baklund

Guilt brings feelings of being: very closed off, in a dark place and unable to grow.

There are seeds so hard that the outer shell or "coat" needs to be scarified or damaged in order for water and gases to enter the seed so it can germinate. Isn't this such a beautiful metaphor for life? The harder our shell of guilt, the more it seems we need to have it broken to allow what is inside to blossom!?

The idea that Gratitude lies within Guilt at first seems preposterous. So let's explore it together.

There are many definitions of Guilt. The definition by Wikipedia is nice and succinct, so here it is . . .

Guilt is a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person realizes or believes—accurately or not—that he or she has compromised his or her own standards of conduct or has violated a moral standard, and bears significant responsibility for that violation.^[1] It is closely related to the concept of remorse.

Note- I am going to use the term "standard of conduct" loosely here; not just regarding actions that are usually associated with guilt like stealing, injuring another or their property, etc. Also, I'm going to extend "moral standard" to also mean societal standards. There are many other more mild situations that induce deep feelings of guilt and remorse and guilt these days. Also, for the sake of simplicity, I am not going into guilt vs. shame.

I think that most of the time we are accurately experiencing the emotion of guilt or remorse, but the standard of conduct by which we were raised to value needs to be examined.

Maybe you feel accurately in that you feel remorse or the stronger feeling of guilt for not going to a family gathering. It is an accurate feeling because the standard you were raised with in your family and socially is to value family "no matter what" and to not attend a family gathering is going against that value or standard of conduct.

On the other hand you know that you are abiding by your own standard of conduct in respecting yourself by not being around people who treat you very poorly, who act without remorse.

Whether you go to the family gathering or not, either way you have a prime situation to feel guilty- you are either compromising your family's and society's standard of conduct, or your own.

What a crummy way to live- the potential to feel guilty no matter what, what!? Turn this situation around!

Allow your seed to germinate and grow. Sure you may see a seedling wearing the seed coat as a cap as it grows (beans are great at this!), but have you ever seen a full-sized oak tree with an acorn cap at the tippy-top? Well, maybe it's too high up there to see, but I think it's safe so say that it's not there!

Shed your seed coat of guilt! Find the inner source of food and the light and water coming to you and grow!

In the above example: you could be grateful for a family who cares for you, and simultaneously feel gratitude that you value how you are treated - which includes how you treat yourself - HELLO!

Feeling guilty about buying yourself a new pair of shoes? Question if it's simply because you couldn't afford them anyway- or if it's a false and inaccurate feeling based on skewed standards of conduct as you were being raised i.e. you do not need shoes until you absolutely grow out of them.  Either way, there is a hidden seed of gratitude waiting to be germinated . . . How amazing is it that we can even consider to have multiple pairs of shoes? Or, how great is it that you can realize as an adult that your childhood upbringing doesn't have to take hold of you? Then choose to make the right decision for you- not out of pre-programed cause and effect feelings.

Are you feeling remorse about the piece of pie you had? Is it because you are wanting to take better care of yourself and eating the pie didn't match your standard of conduct for meeting this goal- or do you have really unreasonable standards for yourself when it comes to your food habits? Again, let's look for the gratitude . . . What a blessing that we can have the problem of food abundance? How fortunate are you to know that balance can include a piece of pie - heck, the word "pie" is in the word "piece" and rhymes with "peace" - it's meant to be!

Inside guilt, whether it's accurate or not, is a blessing. I encourage you to grow beyond the feeling and burst forth from the hard shell and to thrive as living gratitude!



Learn more about guilt and shame in work from this very insightful author and therapist Pia Mellody. Of particular help on these subjects are the book Facing Codependence and the audio Permission to be Precious.

Where Thoughts Reside

A thought
It rests on routine, in actions, special places; even seasons, people, work, colors . . . everything
It is fed and nurtured when you pick it up
It grows as you kneed it in the mind



Did you know that your thoughts follow you wherever you go?

This may seem rather obvious, but rarely do we get to really look at our thoughts because we are drowning in them constantly.

We recently returned from a nearly two week visit to Brazil. While in a totally different country with none of my usual routines, my habitual thinking patterns became more obvious to me. It hit me like an off camber joke; how I had totally changed my surroundings but my thoughts were unnecessarily tagging along.

Rather than ignore or discard this observation, I decided to take the opportunity to see my thoughts from a new perspective- much like I support and encourage through my body-typing teaching in my book and talks.

What did I notice?

It's true. It's not your external circumstances that matter, but your thoughts about them. Changing your job, relationship status or car isn't the key to happiness.

This made such clear sense to me while in Brazil.

My thoughts and thought patterns where ingrained in my routines: washing, cleaning, cooking, organizing, exercising, choosing my clothes, friends, memories in furniture, dates, days of the week, pets, food . . . My thoughts were attached to EVERYTHING!

But oddly enough even when I tried to liberate myself from them by going outside my usual life, my thoughts followed me. My thoughts are not just in my head; they are strewn about waiting for me to pick them up again.

I was carrying them around dutifully. I don't need to pick them up and carry them with me.

Like software, thoughts are to serve an end purpose or to serve the hardware in improving itself. If left to run continuously, one program upon one another, the hardware gets over-burdened and does not work as efficiently.

Being out of my usual environment and roles for over a week really helped me to reset and recalibrate.

Keys to recalibrate:

Take some time, 10 minutes, 10 hours, or ten days if you can to get out of your usual routine. Notice which thoughts come up. Notice which ones don't.

When you go back to your usual routine which things pop out at you? Are you reminded to speed up, get anxious, saddened or feel another emotion that has often loomed over you? Be aware of them as you go back into your usual life.

Recognize that a thought only has as much power as you allow it to have.

For example: Does the shawl in you den that you kept in memory of your grandmother bring sadness and longing to you every time you see it? Do you want to have these feelings every time you see it? Probably not. The easy thing would be to completely remove it from the environment: like removing all sweets from the household when striving to eating in a more healthy manner. Since we often cannot simply remove other disturbing things from our life, a more effective and helpful strategy is to reframe how we think about such disturbing things. Do this with one or two things at a time until you get more practiced. When you see or experience something that disturbs you, think of the positive associated with that object or occurrence. Think of the wonderful, warm memories with grandma until that is the feeling that comes up when you see her shawl.


How you think is the most important factor in health.

Do a check up regularly- and make sure to talk with and associate with people you want to think like!