Sophia's Tales- Doris - Anxiety - Stuck in Life

Sophia’s Tales
Doris-Anxiety-Stuck in Life

1    It’s a glorious mid-summer day so Nana leaves the windows and doors open to     freshen things up a bit. The forrest-green screen door remains closed while the     heavy, red outer door is wide open. This seemingly flimsy screen door is the kind     that slams shut with a snap momentarily after the lacquer-finished,     slippery-    edged door escapes ones fingertips. This has startled many-    a-    visitor, and wrestled Nana out of many cat-naps.

2    WHAP!

3    Doris stands shocked and embarrassed for having created such a disturbing     sound in Nana’s home. If only she knew how gentle of a wakeup call the     whipping door really is for Nana.

4    Nana slowly, but quickly for her, comes out of the back room; adjusting her     hearing-aids as she shuffles to the front door.

5    Doris is already sitting in the living-room, meditatively gazing out the picture     window from the sofa. She is in her own world. She already forgot and recovered     from the loud slam of the door and sits on the edge of her seat with her knees     together- fidgeting with her boney finger-tips, un-rhythmically flicking her     fingernails off each other as her hands rest awkwardly on her knees. Nana     comes up to Doris’ right shoulder as she enters the small room and whispers into     her ear, “Hello Doris.” as she squeezes her shoulders gently as she passes to sit     in her usual chair.

6    Doris lets out a sigh of relief- simply the soft smells of roses and fresh air that     wafts off of Nana sets her at ease.

7    Nana takes her time to sit in her usual chair; from which she can see the door,     occasionally distract herself or her visitor through the picture window, and easily     move from her chair to the sofa to sit next to her guest when the situation calls     for it.

8    She always has a pitcher of water and several glasses sitting on the coffee table     in front of her and her guest. Sometimes now-days, the water is left out overnight     and visitors are often so caught up in their stories that they don’t notice the dust     and “other” particles floating in the water.

9    Nana recognized Doris easily, even without seeing her face–slim shoulders;     thick, wavy, dark brown hair. She always seemed to shake when she came in;     even in the warm summer- so even from behind, Nana knew exactly who it was.     Most people entered the house immediately after knocking and then stand at the     door. A few, like Doris, seat themselves right away.

10    Nana knows that Doris is more wound-up than usual. Her years have taught her     to let people settle in, then they will begin to talk. Doris didn’t seem to come out     of her world, even after several minutes, so Nana started.

11    “What brings you to the area, Doris?”

12    Luring Nana into conversation, Doris begins to speak. “Oh . . . oh . . . I’m here on     business . . . yeah, accountants travel, at least corporate ones . . . ” Her     explanation begins slowly, but soon she’s rambling into a long-winded spiel about     all the reasons she’s in the area, but nothing of true content. She stops after a     few minutes, the only time she pays notice to Nana; looking up with her large,     watery eyes she notices Nana’s eyes have softly glazed over and have lost     focus.

13    “Nana?” Doris insists, now fully out of her monologue.
    “Yes, dear . . . I’m afraid I didn’t hear all of what you said . . . you see the sign?”

14    Of course she didn’t, Nana. Her eyes were on her fidgety hands the whole time, I     think to myself.

15    Hand-written in large, red block letters, the sign reads, IF MY EYES GLAZE     OVER IT’S BECAUSE I CANNOT HEAR YOU!

16    Doris laughs out loud. It struck her as funny that she would miss such a sign, she     normally considers herself such an observant person- accountants always notice     the color red! She feels a burst of laughter come up from deep inside as the     thought of Nana’s awkward sense of humor overcomes her mind. Doris laughs     freely, and seems to lose control in intervals as the situation reveals itself to her     further. As her body loosens and jostles she makes odd noises and at one point     even snorts. She tips from side-to-side and back and forth, covers her mouth,     then shakes her hands as if freeing spirits, wipes tears and eventually sits back     as if coming down from an orgasmic rush.

17    Nana just sits back, enjoying watching the transformation. Doris has responded     very well to Nana’s wishes, that Doris could just “loosen-up.”

18    Doris felt freer than ever. Yes, because of a silly little sign- and because she     knew that Nana would accept her for who she is. No judgmental eyes, critical     minds or pursed lips sending out sharp, pungent remarks.

19    Doris feels herself perspire a bit. It is a refreshing, cool feeling since she often     feels so dry. Her melancholic mood has already begun to lift.

20    She lets out a few long, ahhhhs, and sits back and is nearly lounging in the sofa     and she begins again.

21    “Nana, why do I feel so stuck? I love accounting but I hate it. I love Rich, but     sometimes . . . aghh, he can be so irresponsible!”
    Nana could see Doris creeping forward onto the edge of the sofa again, a sure     sign that she had not “let it all out” yet.

22    “I don’t know what else to do though. I do want to get married, I don’t; I want to     start something new, but I am afraid to leave my job.” Her speech increases in     tempo as she speaks, then suddenly, she stops.

23    This time Doris was looking at Nana. Her big brown eyes showed anger,     vulnerability and fear. Nana took the chance to play, “a senior moment” trick and     said, “You know, Doris, I am making my favorite summer salad for this evening,     and I don’t have any grapes. Will you run down to the corner market for me and     get some red ones? I’ll go get the money.” Nana swiftly rises from her chair as to     not be pulled into listening or witnessing another distress call.

24    Doris is visibly taken aback, but kindly says, “Sure, Nana, don’t worry, I’ll pay for     it.” she half-yells toward the back room.

25    “Fine, fine, thank you dear,” Nana responds as she meets Doris at the front door.

26    “Take a bit of a walk, it’s just a couple of blocks. And think, what is it that I     originally enjoyed about each of these things that is bothering me now, and what     do I want in life- in general; and in specific if there are any.”

27    “Okay Nana, thanks.” and she gives her a quick trusting hug and kiss as she     ventures out the door- again, forgetting about the snappy screen door.

WHAP!

28    That whap seems to strike Doris into a new mood.

29    Doris’ mind is racing again, she looks down at her stylish pumps and knows that     they won’t do her well, even for a few blocks. Then she recalls the gym bag in     her car, the one that’s been waiting to be used for several months now, and all of     that money being wasted on a gym membership that’s not being used. Oh yeah,     grab purse, and, yes, think of Nana’s questions, her thoughts conclude as she     dons her sneakers.

30    Nana waits on the porch as Doris goes on her “walk-about.” She can only see     Doris’ slender, nearly middle-aged figure approaching when she is just a few car     lengths away because the heavy tree covering of Nana’s yard blocks her view.     But even from behind the brush she can clearly see by Doris’ gait, that Doris is a     new person.

31    Doris is sweating through her beige, silk blouse; even one of the blouse ends     hangs loose in the front. Her hair is tousled and not as neat as it is always     is–    pulled back to keep the waves from getting out of control. Now, she didn’t     even seem to care, it is all glorious!

32    Nana’s face beams. She hopes that Doris sees the pride in her demeanor, not     the reflection of the pure, innocent humor that was bouncing before.

33    Nana already has water ready, no ice, just as Doris prefers. She hands it to her     as she comes up the two little steps to the porch–Doris is a freer woman. She     sighs and gazes across the way as she bounces down in the seat next to Nana     and takes heavy gulps of water, beads of sweat actually dripping off her face.     Had she been crying, or was it the sweat?

34    “Nana, you’re so funny.” she giggles and sighs.

35    Nana simply gives an innocent and inquisitive look; she knows Doris is a “smart     one”.

36    “The market is nearly a mile one way! You sure gave me some time to think!” she     was laughing now and leans back, now experiencing a state of deep relief and     relaxation that she has not felt for a few years. She starts to tear-up, and simply     lets the heavy drops fall, leaving large dots on the crest of her ample bosom.

37    Once again, Nana just waits.

38    “I do love my job. I even have the opportunity to work from home. I just haven’t     because, well, I don’t know. I wouldn’t have to deal with people on a daily basis     like I do now–which really stresses me out, and I can work my own hours, as     long as I get my work done; and I can do that!”

39    Nana nods accordingly.

40    “And, Rich. He did ask me to marry him. I’m scared, even though I’m thirty-five     and have wanted to marry for quite some time. He’s so different from me. He’s     messy, stays awake until whenever, doesn’t hold a schedule . . . “

41    “Sounds like a case of opposites attract.” Nana adds matter-of-fact-ly.

42    “Yeah . .  yeah!” Doris emphasizes her agreement.

43    “I have seen that many couples like you get along just fine and even thrive. When     we get irritated with each other over habits and such, its usually because we are     not flexible and comfortable with ourselves. Yes, there needs to be structure and     boundaries, but there also needs to be creativity and freedom within the     relationship. Do you allow yourself to be free and creative?” Nana inquired, now     digging into the grapes. She doesn’t care that they haven’t been washed.

44    “No.” Doris responds despondently.

45    “Why?” Nana asks, grape juice sparkling on her lips as she chews freely.

46    “I guess . . . I don’t have enough time . . . ?”

47    “Doris, let it out! You’re intellectualizing things! What makes your heart sing?”     Nana raises her hand as she gesticulates as she emphasizes the word “sing,”     grapes in hand, sending a few flying across the porch.

48    “When Rich and I were first together, we went to his photography studio. We took     pictures . . . so many pictures. I felt free to be me with him. I keep several of the     pictures on my phone. They help me to go back to that moment. Our walks, our     talks, random dinner-dates.”

49    “Have you felt this when you are not with him?” Nana is searching. She knows     that Doris has to find the source of happiness within herself, rather than     experiencing happiness because of another person.

50    “Hmmmm . . . I suppose when I was taking pottery class. Everyone had clay     masses flopping on their wheel at some point, and we all eventually created our     pieces of art. We were allowed and encouraged to not follow the rules–to explore     while considering suggestions.”

51    “Good! Keep doing that!”

52    “What? not following the rules?” Doris jumped on the logic-track again.

53    “No, silly! Do that which makes you feel free, creative; that which teaches you to     allow. Your whole life is about structure from your pinned-up hair, tucked-in     blouse, balanced checkbook and neat apartment. Untuck your shirt, let some     mud fly, and most of all, let your heart sing!” Nana gestures the word “sing” with     the flair of an orchestra conductor and more grapes soar to the other end of the     porch.

54    “Ah, Nana, you’re so right.” Doris says as she sassily pops an an unwashed     grape in her mouth.

55    “There you go dear, that’s a step.” Nana beams, finishing the last of the grapes     with Doris’ help. There really was no plan to make a summer salad in the first     place.


Insights
In paragraph 1 we learn more about Nana. Her home is open and welcoming to all who come by. While she takes the needed rest she needs in her later, Air-time years, her nurturing, balanced Earthy nature will not let the need or desire for rest let her pass-up an opportunity to help someone.

The “whap” sound represents the contrast in states of being i.e. Doris’ Air-state and Nana’s Earthy nature, as well as the shifts in consciousness namely, while Doris is leaving to go on her “walk-about” and is encouraged to shift her thinking. A “walk-about” itself, is a right of passage, an act that a person deliberately executes in order to achieve realization.

In paragraph 3, Doris is so caught-up in her Airy state of being, the startling whap of the screen door hardly phases her. Air-types, when chronically out of balance, can reach states of high anxiety. Most of us experience this state only when in situations of crisis. Doris, quickly moving from shock and embarrassment to a meditative state on the sofa, shows the disassociation that an anxiety-ridden Air-type can experience–surely appearing to be quite an Air-head.

In paragraph 4 we learn that Nana uses hearing aids. While it is very common for people in their later years to use them, it is interesting to note that those with Air-dominance can go longer without them, or do not need them at all. This is rare as it is also rare to have a dominant Air-type. Sound, as we experience it, travels through air, which metaphorically is a beautiful “coincidence” that Air-types are strong into their old-age in an this Air-dominated area of air and sound.

Paragraph 5: A person can only stay in an unbalanced state for so long. Here we observe that Doris is on this brink of change. She still shows great symptoms of anxiety such as sitting on the edge of her seat and being in constant, fidgety motion; but her whole being seems to, at some point, seek meditation.

Paragraph 6: Natural scents of rose, vanilla and lavender are naturally soothing and calming, especially for Air-types like Doris. People who already have a lot of the Earth Element are naturally attracted to these scents; like attracts like.

Paragraph 7: Nana is a gentle giant of sorts who has great potential to use her power of influence, but wields this power carefully. Nana sitting in the farthest corner of the room, while able to see the door and all other activity inside and out, is a power-position, and she uses it wisely.

Paragraph 8: In the later Airy years of life, it is very common for people to become more “air-headed” and forget simple things.

Paragraph 9: Here Nana tells us some physical characteristics of Doris. Her slim stature is a good clue to her having Air-type tendencies, while the characteristics of her thick, wavy, dark brown hair are more Earthy, showing water characteristics and more Earth in the color brown. We will find more clues later. Doris enters Nana’s home without hesitation. Air-types are not always this forward, this is more of a Fire-type characteristic, but Doris has something to “get off her chest” and, like anyone truly seeking balance, projects herself to someone or something that helps her to feel more balanced. Fortunately, Doris chooses a person who helps her to find the solutions within herself, rather than self-medicating or stuffing her emotions deep down. It is the Earth-type who tends to stuff emotions, and does so for the longest time before their stability waivers. Air-types, on the other hand, are much less tolerant of distress and their reactions to it show much more quickly.

Paragraph 10: Nana shows her healthy Earthy patience as she waits for Doris to speak.

Paragraph 12: Doris gets “long-winded” (wind-Air) as she tells Nana her issues. Those with Air dominance have a tendency to go on and on without making a point, particularly when in distress, unlike the Fire-type who gets even more direct and to-the-point when troubled. Here we also observe that Doris has large, watery eyes- still adding to Earth-characteristics. As we see more Earth-characteristics we understand more. It appears that Doris has been holding in all this emotion for quite some time. While she appears to be an Air-Earth-type, she clearly is experiencing Air excess and imbalance. At the same time, the Element that would naturally help her to balance (Earth) is also out of balance. How do we see this? Doris “lures” Nana into listening to her. Air and Fire-types are more forthright about sharing their issues with a close person while an Earth-type, particularly when out of balance, has a difficult time sharing, especially their intimate thoughts, when out of balance. While this Earth-type wants nurturing and help, they are challenged with opening up. So, Doris lures Nana in, to ask the right questions, so that she can freely share. We also learn that Doris is an accountant- a likely position for a cerebral, Air-type.

Paragraph 13 and 14: Air characteristics are shown as Doris seemingly rambles the inner monologue that has been plaguing her all this time as she keeps here eyes on her fidgety hands.

Paragraph 16: Air and Earth-types are the most conservative Elements. Doris shows her need to “loosen up” as her laughing convulsions bring much-needed movement and relief to her body.

Paragraph 18: Air and Earth-types, particularly when out of balance, deal least well with judgement and criticism, which shows why Doris prefers to go to Nana.

Paragraph 19: Dryness and melancholic states are characteristics of Air.

Paragraph 20: Air-types especially benefit from breathing exercises- even simple ones like letting go of unnecessary stresses with a long, audible ahhhhh.

Paragraph 21: While an Air and an Earth-type seek security, this can be counter-productive in not allowing the person to have healthy, balanced freedom to move. Air, in particular, likes freedom and movement, yet seeks stability and containment- very contradictory indeed!

Paragraph 21 and 22: Doris’ Air imbalance rises again as she moves to the edge of the sofa and increases the tempo of her speech.

Paragraph 23: We know when we are out of balance, primarily, by the emotions we feel; most common are anger and fear.

Paragraph 23: Nana sees that the movement from laughing has helped Doris a great deal and has come up with a plan to get her moving some more, to get out of her mind and emotions- which is where, respectively, Air and Earth tend to reside.

Paragraph 24: Nana encourages Doris to get back to the basics, rather than the details- which Air-types love to exist on.

Paragraph 29: Doris hasn’t been to the gym for months. Regular, appropriate exercise helps all types be more balanced.

Paragraph 31: Doris has “let loose”- freeing herself from unhelpful thoughts.

Paragraph 33: A preference of a beverage with no ice is an Air-type tendency. They do not always prefer ice since their natural body temperature feels cooler.

Paragraph 36: Here we learn that Doris has an “ample bosom.” For a person with a slight frame, this is usually likely when they show the Earth Element, sometimes if they show Water.

Paragraph 38: Earth and Air are a good combination to work from home. This combination will tend to stick to a schedule well and works well when alone and with minimal distractions.

Paragraph 40: While opposites often do attract, Nana recognizes that the orderly and compartmentalized life that Doris leads clashes with the life of a “free-spirit” and artist. We can assume at this point that Rich has a fair amount of Water Element and this free-flow nature is initially attracting and also scary for Doris- it is both balancing yet feels imbalancing to her orderly life. Again, we see the debate of freedom and stability; to marry or not to marry, that is the question.

Paragraph 43: Nana recognizes that Doris has not allowed herself freedom, and therefor has a challenge permitting others to do the same. The accountant/Air side of Doris wants everything categorized, but still desires freedom. The Earth side desires stability, especially in relationships, but needs healthy amounts of spontaneity to be balanced. Rich’s Watery-ways may be refreshing at first, but the freedom he exudes may feel too unstable for Doris. The question may be weather he has the Fire Element also, which is more directing, and therefor a more stabilizing element in this situation. Nonetheless, Nana sees that Doris needs to find the solutions within herself. It is when Doris is most balanced that she can see if she is having healthy relationships and creating healthy situations in her life. Nana helps Doris explore whether Doris allows herself and can accept freedom within herself- to then be able to accept this in others.

Paragraph 47: Nana encourages Doris to further come out from her shell; to identify with her feelings, not just think them through- to find a healthy balance. Nana shows some of this confidence and balance of thought and feeling as she freely eats unwashed grapes, surely not the biggest risk one can take in life, but a liberating one.

Paragraph 48: Ok, it is here that we learn that Rich has more Watery characteristics. Also, if he has his own studio and is a professional photographer, this takes a great deal of Fire and drive. Rich clearly introduces spontaneity into Doris’ life.

Paragraph 50: Working with the hands and particular with Earthy Elements such as clay is very balancing for Air-types. This practice gives Doris a great deal of freedom, yet encourages flow also, one cannot just control the clay.

There is always more, what do you see?



Body-type Assessment and Tara's Book, You-niversal Self-care: Improved Health Through Self-Understanding, at TarasBook.com

Copyright 2011 Tara Baklund