5 Plus 8 Tips to Bring The Flame Back into Your Relationship

Remember the first days of your love relationship when you were voraciously discovering one-another? No matter how many sparks your relationship started with, it will need maintenance. But maintenance doesn't have to be work!

I write a lot of articles and do social media for our traditional Precision Machining business, Baklund R&D LLC., and in this industry I end up spending a lot of time around men. We have a great crew of guys, and one way or another I do end up learning what men do and do not like.

I am naturally a curious person and I tend to ask a lot of questions. I have to be careful as to how much I inquire of someone because it can be a bit much, so I have to learn to use this natural tendency to my and hopefully others' advantage.

From a woman to a man, too many questions can get intense and even naggy. Inquiring as to whether the garbage was taken out or the dog was walked is not a good question, it's a talking to-do list; no one likes that. And the, "When are you leaving, when will you be home, where are you going?" is a talking calendar. Let's move beyond this. This doesn't make sparks fly in any relationship.

A simple way to warm things up again is to go back to the questions you were asking when you first got together- when you were especially interested in learning about this potential "keeper" and you really desired to know more . . . you were curious.

Even after nearly 15 amazing years together my hubby and I still love reminiscing about how we met and what we first loved about one another, but after a while you need new material.

Bring Back and Keeping the Flame in Your Relationship

No matter your or your mate's Body-type, these questions are sure to stir up some of those flames once again.

Ok, first, a few Body-typing tips to be mindful of . . . I try to keep things on a progressive note, consider this a note on awareness.

If you're experiencing tension in your relationship and want to give these questions a try, each Body-type should be mindful of the following imbalanced states and strive to find your own balance to help your relationship:

Earth-type: Kicking dirt or being a stick-in-the-mud will not help rekindle a flame.

Fire-type: Flame throwing is not the way to start a romantic fire.

Air-type: Being long-winded can put out a kindling flame. Protect the sparks.

Water-type: Being cold as ice or putting a damper on things scares away the warm fuzzy feelings!

My book, You-niversal Self-care is all about finding balance.

Tips for sizzling discussion:

1. Be curious about your mate (This is different than just wanting a better relationship.)
2. If your relationship is already stressed, rather than asking your mate one of these questions- bring up the subject as if you had been asked, "You know, I just could not stand losing my sight, I would miss seeing your beautiful face so much . . ." Offer it as a gift and let it be. Don't expect and definitely don't require a response or return questions. Let him or her savor in the memory, new fantasy, the gift of love and curiosity you just gave.
3. Whether flames are glowing or not, rotate questions. Keep it interesting by only asking 1 or 2 questions per "session" and do not ask each other the same question.
4. Tip from a frequent questioner (me) . . . Even for great relationships, too much questioning can be intense. 1 or 2 sessions per week is good maintenance. If your relationship is already rocky, less is more. Try one question and let it be for a week or so.
5. Most of all, have fun!

Questions Of course, ask the ones that you can safely assume will initiate a positive response. I.e. if you had a horrible first kiss, don't bring that one up unless you both can can pee-your-pants laughing about it!

1. What about me did you fall in love with first?
2. Describe what our first hug, kiss . . . was like for you. (This is a good way to learn how to turn him or her on in the future- notice if your mate's memories are more about touch, sight, or other sensations like smell or emotion.)
3. If you lost your sense of sight, hearing or touch- which could you not bear to lose because you'd miss seeing, hearing or touching me?
4. What small area of my body do you enjoy touching because it pleases you (the toucher)? (Ex. response- "I love feeling the warm softness of your cheek against my lips." "I love feeling your silky hair slip past my fingers.")
5. What melts your heart about me? (Ex. "It melts my heart when I see you tuck our kids in at night.")
6. What is one word you never tire of me saying to you. (Pay attention to the tone that your mate has when they tell you the answer- this is a good clue to what tone or how he or she wants to hear this and other words.)
7. If we were to meet now (we hadn't been together all these years) what do you think would be a fun, funny, crazy, romantic or simply memorable way to meet? (Make up a story, this is fun! It's also a good way to stimulate ideas for dates and outings.)
8. Similar to above, recreate other "firsts". When the subject of recreating your first intimate moment comes up, have the person who is usually not the initiator in the relationship recreate this situation. Again, you'll be surprised by the ideas you didn't know you had and the mate who is usually the initiator will enjoy the initiation of at least the topic . . . and who knows where it might lead :)

This is also a great exercise in being vulnerable and learning to ask, give and receive.

Try making up your own questions. Share them here!

Have fun and here's to many more years of burning Love!